Where’s the Love?

 If you need to know how we met, where we met, what was going on when we met you can go here djdiva.blogspot.com. 

I want to talk about today. 

I feel the need to let you know that I am very much in love with the ass (the caboose) I married. 

I feel the need to let you know that the woman she is, is just fine by me, even if, it isn’t fine by you. 

I feel the need to let you know that I have a talented woman of substance. 

I feel the need to let you know that my marriage is strong, enriching, and fulfilling. 

I feel the need to let you know that I am not threatened by anyone’s fame or occupation…she comes home to me.

I feel the need to write about my DJ…DJ DIVA.

I used to write love posts about my wife all the time and for good reason,  they were my way of telling everyone and her I’M IN LOVE!!!!!!!  and look at her..ISN’T SHE GOREGOUS???  As with many relationships, the flowers and poems stop once life together starts.   I said that wouldn’t happen to me…it did.  I can’t tell you the last time I gave her flowers.  I can tell you that I have massaged her once in the last couple of months and that was last night.  I can tell you that I haven’t washed her body or cooked her favorite meal in what seems like forever.  Why?  Well honestly if you read my post from yesterday you could get a since of what has been going on with me.  Still.  There is no excuse.  If you want to be loved hard, you have to love hard.  If you want to be cared about, thought of and considered, you got to be those things and do them selflessly.  Sounds obvious right?  Well not when you engage in the practice of passive agressive loving.  

The demands of family and work has this way of sucking all the romance out of you.  I used to get home from work and run my wife a bath and then go into whatever it was I had to do.  When she’d get home and see the bath guess what she thought?…my man loves me.  Later into my marriage, I’d get home and get into whatever I had to do sans bath or anything else.   I’d come home tired and say, well, she’ll understand or well, she didn’t do this for me, or didn’t do that for me, so why should I bother?  I got to the point where I started to feel justified in not doing anything romantic because in my mind, what I WAS  doing should have been enough.   When she’d get home guess what she’d start thinking…he don’t love me like he used to.   I feel comfortable writing this because I’ve read enough tweets and posts to know I have plenty of company. 

I’ve learned you simply can’t love your wife by doing the dishes. 

You can’t love your wife by cooking  Spaghetti and or taking the kids out of the house. 

To love your wife is to love the things that affect her directly, the other things supplement that love.

THAT is loving hard. 

My relationship with my wife represents the longest I have ever been with a woman.  Simply put, I haven’t been with a woman long enough to make her feel I wasn’t in love with her like I used to be.  I truly had no idea what effect this had on a woman’s psyche. I thought if I was a good provider and willing to make a happy home that made me a husband.  Case Closed.   Nah, it just made me a babysitter and a housemate (not a roommate, roommates don’t help with homework..ahem).  A good husband loves attentively and yes, agressively.  A good husband is an active participant in the happiness of his wife.  A good husband looks forward to giving and showing his wife “real love”.  

My wife deserves her husband back.   She has picked herself up from the death of her father, dusted herself off and made herself whole again.  She has given life and influence to many of her friends and family.  She has given our daughters a woman to look to when they need an example of strength, resolve, and integrity.  She validates the idea that marriage is truly the best investment a man can make with his life, despite all the rhetoric to the contrary.   She gives me hope and excitement for our future.  She provides the salt, sugar and cream of our union and I want her to know, I want her friends to know, and I want you to know

She has a HUSBAND and he loves the ass (caboose) he married.